My name is Jennifer & 4 years into the nearly 10 years that I worked as a dispatcher in Law Enforcement, I met & married the man of my dreams...or so I thought.  He was a Police Officer & just like anyone, I thought there was no greater personal security, that of dating or marrying a Police Officer. It wasn't long before our marriage became one of control and violence.  Our children were born & promotions occurred through the years. I went on to work for other Agencies, but he remained where we originally met and was moving up rather quickly thru the ranks.  For him, the promotions were good....but for me, I knew it would only fuel his ego and give him even more control.  The children & I spent years leaving in the middle of the night after he passed out from too much alcohol. It was the only way I felt that we could escape. I could not even tell you how many times we left, because 10 would be too few and so might 30. Time & time again, he would apologize and I would go back home with the children in tow. Nothing would ever change... It wouldn't be long (sometimes a couple weeks, sometimes a couple of days) before things were right back to where they began.

 

Despite asking for help & discussing the ongoing issues with at least 4 different administrations at the Police Department, everyone drew a blind eye to the things I told them was going on behind closed doors.  If they didn't acknowledge a probem....then it must not be a problem! The Thin Blue Line would prevail over and over...not our right to safety.

 

In February 2013, after he had spent all day drinking, we began verbally arguing...

The kids & I were held hostage upstairs by him for well over an hour, he took my car keys so I couldn't leave and threatened to kill me & the kids at least 5 times that night. During this particular instance, I found myself on the other side of a loaded shotgun while he threatened to shoot me.  When I thought he was finally going to let me get my things to leave, he came up behind me (my hands were full & my back turned to him) and he stomped me in the back (as police officers do to subdue a subject). As I laid on the floor, unable to move, screaming and begging him to stop hitting me and throwing things at me...he just continued. (All the while, being recorded on the Police Chief's voicemail -whom I had dialed just moments before.)

 

I have permanent damage to my back & am on medication for the pain. I NEVER had back problems prior and yet now, it's part of my daily life thanks to him along with PTSD. The PTSD and anxiety I experience daily (even years later) makes even simple social engagements terrifying and difficult for me. I still scan the room of restaurants that I enter and continue to keep watch while sitting there. Stores with a lot of customers (especially small stores) make my anxiety go through the room & I have to leave them quickly. 

 

I will NEVER go back... and will NEVER find myself in a situation like that one again.  I am still recovering both mentally & physically over 4 years later...but I am determined to have a voice...my voice! I am also determined to make a difference for someone else because there really that "Thin Blue Line" where many officers are shielded by their "brotherhood", despite lashing out domestic violence on their families. It is my hope that someone will give the attention to Police Officer Involved Domestic Violence and that Departments across the U.S. will look past the "Thin Blue Line" and that victims of offenders will be able to receive the same amount of protection as regular citizens.